Sunday, 6 August 2017

The Day I Needed To Rely On Myself

The day I wrote this post I was on the verge of a panic attack. Right there in the middle of my shift I felt like I was going to cry from 6 hrs of chest pain. No one knew, because I was still working. I don't talk much at work anyways, and I had my music playing through my headphones so no one took notice. Still I stood there for 6 hrs wanting to start hyperventilating and rip my heart from my chest. Somehow no one knew.

I move in little over a month and I have a lot to do. Everyone told me that buying a house would be a lot of work. Everyone said it would cost a lot. No one told me that it might get so overwhelming you might not be able to breathe. Turns out no matter how many to do lists I use, in order to keep up with everything, I was going to have this panic attack and apparently it was going to happen at work.

I told 3 different people that I felt like I was drowning. It's hard to say that to someone when they're not near you to help you. I am sure it is equally as hard to hear that and not be able to help. What do you say to someone who says "I feel like I am drowning"? I wouldn't want to be in that person's shoes.

It made me realize something. I can have the greatest support system in the world (which I do), but ultimately I have to rely on myself to get me through the tough times. There are going to be times when someone can't help me and that's okay. I am not writing this to make them feel guilty. I am writing this to remind myself that I am strong and that I can do this. I can get myself through this.

So what did I do to lessen the chest pains? I sat in the change room at work, with my headphones on and my meditation music blasting. I also sat there and wrote a long over due letter. It was therapeutic. I definitely needed it. My anxiety went from an 8 to a 6 by the time I left work and the chest pains were gone.

For anyone who has ever been in a similar situation, I don't want to tell you that you'll get through it. You already know that. The panic attacks subside and your emotions and body start to level out. You may feel exhausted from it, but it's over. What I want to tell you is, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're self sufficient, and have the tools to get through anything. You just need to choose the right tool for you. You know yourself best and ultimately you know what you need to do.

If you have every been in a situation such as this and feel okay to talk about it, let us know in the comment section below. How did you handle it? Any tips you would share?



  1. This is really empowering! Convincing yourself that you have the power to make yourself feel better must've been really hard, but you're so right! You know yourself better than anyone in your support system no matter how wonderful they are, and ultimately you know what's best for you. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better!

  2. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have bad anxiety and I'm the type of person that I like to depend on myself (or don't ask for help at all). It's nice to see someone elses's experience.

  3. I have never had a true panic attack, I've only had times of extreme angst and I know that those times were hard for me to have to handle by myself, with no one in my support system around. I applaud for going through much worse than I had and be able to write about it later on!